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February 5, 2010 | 5:10 PM Comments  0 comments

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GREATEST TEASERS OF ALL TIMES
Translations available in: English (original) | French | Spanish | Italian | German | Portuguese | Swedish | Russian | Dutch | Arabic


TEASERS
Politics

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: Im the breadwinner of the family, so lets call me capitalism. Your Mom, shes the administrator of the money, so well call her the Government. Were here to take care of your needs, so well call you the people. The nanny, well consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, well call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nannys room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I thin k I Understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."

Job Descriptions

1. A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

2. An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didnt happen today.

3. A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an accountant.

4. An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane.

5. A programmer is someone who solves a problem you didnt know you had in a way you dont understand.

6. A mathematician is like a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isnt there.

7. A topologist is a someone who doesnt know the difference between a coffee cup and doughnut.

8. A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a "brief."

9. A psychologist is someone who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.

10. A professor is one who talks in someone elses sleep.

11. A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.

12. A committee is a body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.



COMA


A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several
months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when
he finally woke, he motioned for her to come closer.

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You
have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were
there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got
shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?"

"What dear?" She gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with
warmth.

"I think you're bad luck."

Confession

A man is on his deathbed, and his wife is sitting by his side.

The man says to the wife: "Hon, I have to tell you something."

The wife replies: "Yes, you can tell me anything."

Man: "I slept with your sister"

Wife: "I know"

Man: "And your mom"

Wife: "I know"

Man: "I also slept with your secretary, Mary"

The wife puts a finger to his mouth and says "I know, my darling, now just relax and let the poison work".



Stupid Questions

1. Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you undress?

2. If a person owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way down to the center of the earth?

3. Why cant woman put their mascara on with their mouth closed?

4. Why is it called alcoholics anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say
"hi, my names Bob. Im an alcoholic"?

5. If you mated a Bulldog with a Shitsu would you get a Bullshit?

6. Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?

7. Why is there a light in the fridge but not in the freezer?

8. Why does mineral water that has trickled through mountains for centuries
have a use by date?

9. Why do toasters always have a setting on them which burns your toast to a
horrible crisp no one would eat?

10. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say "I think ill squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?

11. What do people in China call their good plates?

12. If the professor on Gilligans Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why cant he fix a hole in a boat?

13. Why does Goofy stand on two legs when Pluto remains on four? Theyre both dogs.

14. What do you call male ballerinas?

15. Can blind people see their dreams and do they dream?

16. If Wile E coyote has enough money to by all that Acme crap why doesnt he buy his dinner?

17. Why is a person who handles money called a broker?

18. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

19. If corn oil is made from corn and vegetable oil is made from vegetables. What is baby oil made from?

20. If a man is walking in a forest and no women is there to hear him is he still wrong?

21. Why is it that when someone tells you that theres billions of stars in the universe,
you believe them. But if they tell you theres wet paint somewhere you have to touch it?

22. Why do you call it an asteroid when its outside the hemisphere, yet call it hemorrhoid when its in your ass?

23. Did you ever notice that if you blow in a dogs face it goes mad, yet when you take him on a car ride he sticks his head straight out the window?


THE WINNING JOKE


After much careful scrutiny, we (the Laughlab.com) are proud to announce our winning joke. This joke received higher ratings than any other gag.

Drum roll…..

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?"



The Husband Store!

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE !

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch . . .. you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband . .

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 4, 363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

Please send this to all men for a good laugh and to all the women who can handle the truth!

******************************************************

YOU HAVE TWO COWS....................

TRADITIONAL ECONOMICS
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
You retire on the income.

INDIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You worship them.

PAKISTANI ECONOMICS
You don't have any cows.
You claim that the Indian cows belong to you.
You ask the US for financial aid, China for military
aid, British for Warplanes, Italy for machines,
Germany for technology,
French for submarines,
Switzerland for loans, Russia for drugs Japan for
equipment.
You buy the cows with all this and claim
exploitation by the world.

AMERICAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You sell one and force the other to produce the milk
of four cows.
You profess surprise when the cow drops dead.
You put the blame on some nation with cows &
naturally that nation will be a danger to mankind.
you wage war to save the world and grab the cows.

FRENCH ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.

GERMAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You reengineer them so that they live for 100 years,
eat once a month and milk themselves.

BRAZILIAN COW
You have two cows.
Whenver they breed the third, you
arrange for soccer tournament and
the winning team gets it.

BRITISH ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
They are both mad cows.

ITALIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.

JAMAICAN COW
You have two cows.
You feed them with the same weed
that you smoke. Listen to Reggae
music and wonder when the number will
turn to three

SWISS ECONOMICS
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.

JAPANESE ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You redesign them so that they are one-tenth the
size of an ordinary cow and
produce twenty times the milk.
You then create cute cartoon cow images called
Cowkimon and market them
worldwide.

RUSSIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 17 cows.
You give up counting and open another bottle of
vodka.

CHINESE ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment, high bovine productivity
and arrest anyone reporting the actual numbers.


NIGERIAN ECONOMICS: {FEDERAL}
You have two cows
You eat one and claim it was stolen
Call in the Police to investigate
Police arrested everyone living within 100km
Torture them thoroughly until someone admitted
kidnapping the cow
The police instead collected one cow each from
everybody arrested
You have your cow back and the Police now owns a
cattle farm.
{TRIBES}

YORUBA ECONOMICS
You have two cows
U kill them both
And throw an owambe party!

IBO ECONOMICS
You have two cows
U make very good counterfeits of them
And sell for the price of the real cows!

HAUSA ECONOMICS
You have two cows
You rear them till they are four
Make sure ur kids rear cows too
And just maintain!


It's only a joke folks !


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*A man was out walking when he fell over the edge of a cliff. As he hurtled towards the ground, he just managed to hang on to a protruding tree branch. Staring down at a 200-foot drop to almost certain dearth, he cried out: “Help me, please! Is anybody up there?”
A deep voice came back: “Yes, my son, I am up here.”
“Who is it?” called the man.
“Its is the Lord.”
“Can you help me?”
“Certainly, my son. Just let go of the branch and I will catch you”
The man thought for a moment, then shouted: “Is anybody else up there?”
(This is an oldie but a goodie)

A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire among other things. Within a month having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company.

In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued ... and won!

In delivering the ruling the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire, and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000.00 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the "fires."

NOW FOR THE BEST PART....

After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000.00 fine

We dey too!

After digging to a depth of 100 meters last year, Russian scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 1000 years, and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had telephone network 1000 years ago.
So not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed, American scientists dug 200 metres and headlines in the US papers read: "US scientists have found traces of 2000 year old optical fibres, and concluded that their ancestors already had advanced high-tech digital telephone 1000 years earlier than the Russians."
One week later, the Nigerian newspapers reported the following: "After digging as deep as 500 metres, Nigerian scientists have found absolutely nothing. They have concluded that 5000 years ago, their ancestors were already using wireless!!

**************************************************************************

A TEASER - the NIGERIAN POLICE!
Forwarded by A.B.Barkindo

In an effort to determine the top crime fighting agency in Nigeria, The president narrowed the field to three finalists: the SSS, the Army, and the Nigerian Police force. The three contenders were given the task of catching a rabbit which was released into the forest. The SSS went into the forest. They placed animal informants throughout. They questioned all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigation they concluded that rabbits do not exist The Army went into the forest. After two weeks without a capture, they burned the forest killing everything in it, including the rabbit. They made no apologies. The rabbit deserved it. The Nigerian police went into the forest. They came out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear was yelling " Okay, Okay, I agree, I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit". >---------------------------------
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Read About the The Queen, Clinton and Obasanjo!!

Queen Elizabeth, Bill Clinton & Olusegun Obasanjo died & went
straight to hell.

Queen Elizabeth said "I miss England; I want to call England and
see how everybody is doing there". She called and talked for about 5
minutes, and then she asked
"Well, Devil, how much do I owe you????
The devil says "Five million pounds". She wrote him a cheque and
went to sit back on her chair.

Bill Clinton was so jealous, he starts screaming, "My turn! I
wanna call the United States, I want to see how everybody is doing there
too. He called and talked for about 2 minutes, and then he asked
"Well, Devil, how much do I owe you????
The devil says "Ten million dollars".
With a smug look on his face, he made a cheque and went to sit back on
his chair.

Obasanjo was even more jealous & starts screaming, me go call
Nigeria too jare, I go see how everybody is doing there too. I
go to talk to the ministers, to the deputies, to the PDP, everybody.....
He calls Nigeria and he talks for about twenty hours, he talked & talked
& talked, then he asked,
"Well, Devil, how much do I owe you????
The devil says "One dollar".
Obasanjo is stunned & says "One dollar??? Only one freaking dollar??"
The Devil says "Well if you make a call from one hell to another hell,
it's local !

Ike Ofoche


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



WRONG WIFE (be careful with your e-mails)

After being nearly snowbound for two weeks last winter, a Seattle man departed for his vacation in Miami Beach, where he was to meet
his wife the next day at the conclusion of her business trip to Minneapolis.

They were looking forward to pleasant weather and a nice time together. Unfortunately, there was some sort of mix up at the boarding
gate, and the man was told he would have to wait for a later flight. He tried to appeal to a supervisor but was told the airline was not responsible for the problem and it would do no good to complain.

Upon arrival at the hotel the next day, he discovered that Miami Beach was having a heat wave, and its weather was almost as uncomfortably hot as Seattle's was cold. The desk clerk gave him a message that his wife would arrive as planned. He could hardly wait to get to the pool area to cool off, and quickly sent his wife an e-mail, but due to his haste, he made an error in the e-mail address.

His message therefore arrived at the home of an elderly preacher's wife whose even older husband had died only the day before! When the grieving widow opened her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out an anguished scream, and fell to the floor dead. Her family rushed to her room where they saw this message on the screen:

Dearest wife,

Departed yesterday as you know. Just now got checked in. Some
confusion at the gate. Appeal was denied. Received confirmation of your arrival tomorrow.

Your loving husband.

P.S. Things are not as we thought. You're going to be surprised
at how hot it is down here.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the
computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with
technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00
cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon".

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release
stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be
driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy anew car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would
have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut
off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue.
For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your
car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to
reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable,
five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five
percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be
replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and
refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned
the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to
drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same
manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Everyone needs this list to live by

The most destructive habit..............................Worry
The greatest Joy.............................................Giving
The greatest loss......................Loss of self-respect
>>
The most satisfying work....................Helping others
The ugliest personality trait....................Selfishness
The most endangered species........Dedicated leaders
Our greatest natural resource....................Our youth
The greatest "shot in the arm"........Encouragement
The greatest problem to overcome......................Fear
>>
The most effective sleeping pill.........Peace of mind
The most crippling failure disease................Excuses
The most powerful force in life..........................Love
>>
The most dangerous pariah......................A gossiper
The world's most incredible computer.......The brain
The worst thing to be without......................... Hope
>>
The deadliest weapon.............................The tongue
The two most power-filled words................."I Can"
The greatest asset.........................................Faith
>>
The most worthless emotion......................Self-pity
The most beautiful attire................................SMILE!
The most prized possession....................... Integrity
>>
The most powerful channel of communication.......Prayer
The most contagious spirit....................Enthusiasm


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Brainteaser

Suicide? Or Murder? Or Suicide?
At the 1994 annual awards dinner given for Forensic Science, AAFS resident
Dr. Don Harper Mills astounded his audience with the legal complications of a
bizarre death. Here is the story:


On March 23, 1994, the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald
Opus and concluded that he died from a shotgun wound to the head. The
decedent had jumped from the top of a ten-story building intending to commit suicide.

He left a note to that effect indicating his despondency. As he fell
past the ninth floor, his life was interrupted by a shotgun blast passing
through a window, which killed him instantly. Neither the shooter nor the
decedent was aware that a safety net had been installed just below at the
eighth floor level to protect some building workers and that Ronald Opus
would not have been able to complete his suicide the way he had planned.

Ordinarily, Dr. Mills continued, "a person who sets out to commit
suicide and ultimately succeeds, even though the mechanism might not be
what he intended" is still defined as committing suicide. Mr. Opus was shot
on the way to certain death nine stories below at street level, but his
suicide attempt probably would not have been successful because of the
safety net. This caused the medical examiner to feel that he had a homicide
on his hands.

The room on the ninth floor from whence the shotgun blast emanated
was occupied by an elderly man and his wife. They were arguing vigorously,
and he was threatening her with a shotgun. The man was so upset that when
he pulled the trigger he completely missed his wife and the pellets went
through the window striking Mr. Opus.

When one intends to kill subject A, but kills subject B in the
attempt, one is guilty of the murder of subject B. When confronted with the
murder charge, the old man and his wife were both adamant. They both said
they thought the shotgun was unloaded. The old man said it was his long
standing habit to threaten his wife with the unloaded shotgun. He had no
intention to murder her. Therefore the killing of Mr. Opus appeared to be
an accident, that is, the gun had been accidentally loaded.

The continuing investigation turned up a witness who saw the old
couple's son loading the shotgun about six weeks prior to the fatal
accident. It transpired that the old lady had cut off her son's financial
support and the son, knowing the propensity of his father to use the
shotgun threateningly, loaded the gun with the expectation that his father
would shoot his mother.

The case now becomes one of murder on the part of the son for the death of Ronald Opus.

Now comes the exquisite twist.

Further investigation revealed that the son was in fact Ronald Opus.
He had become increasingly despondent over both the loss of his financial
support and the failure of his attempt to engineer his mother's murder.
This led him to jump off the ten-story building on March 23rd, only to be shot by his father.




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ahuwa’s Interview

Ahuwa was short listed for interview for the position of secretary in a company. She was the last candidate in a long list and the Manager was tired. When he saw her he did not like her but decided to still go ahead with the interview. It proceeded as follows.

After asking her to sit down she was asked to make a sentence with the following colours. Pink, green, yellow, black, purple and white. She hesitated for a second and then started. When I get this job and the phone rings green, green, green, I will pink it and say yellow. White are you saying? You are purpley disturbing. Please don’t call black. Upon hearing that, the manager collapsed and passed out.
-------------
From Ameena Abbas, Minna.Nigeria.

ameena.isah@lycos.co.uk



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


THIS IS WHAT A GUY WROTE TO A SYSTEM ANALYST;
Dear Systems Department,
I am desperate for some help!
I recently upgraded my program from Girlfriend 7.0 to
Wife 1.0 and found that the new program began
unexpected child Processing and also took up a lot of
space and valuable resources.
This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure. In
addition Wife 1.0 Installs itself into all other
programs and launches during systems Initialization
and then it monitors all other system
activities.
Applications such as "Boys' Night out 2.5" and "Golf
5.3" no longer Run, and crashes the system whenever
selected. Attempting to operate Selected "Saturday
Rugby 6.3" always fails and "Saturday Shopping 7.1"
runs instead.
I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background
whilst attempting to run any of my favourite
applications. Be it online or offline.
I am thinking of going back to "Girlfriend7.0", but
uninstall doesn't work on this program.
Can you please help?
...... AND THIS WHAT THE ANALYST SAID;
Dear Customer,
This is a very common problem resulting from a basic
misunderstanding of the functions of the "wife1.0
"program. Many customers upgrade from "Girlfriend 7.0"
to "Wife 1.0 " thinking that "Wife 1.0" is merely a
UTILITY AND ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAM.
Actually, "Wife 1.0 " is an OPERATING SYSTEM designed
by it's Creator to Run everything.
You are unlikely to be able to purge "Wife 1.0 "and
still convert back to "Girlfriend 7.0 ", as "Wife 1.0
" was not designed to do this and it is Impossible to
uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the
System once it is installed. Some people have tried to
install "Girlfriend 8.0 "or
"Wife 2.0 " but have ended up with even more
problems. (See manual under Alimony/Child Support and
Solicitors' Fees).
Having " Wife 1.0 " installed, I recommend you keep it
installed And deal with the difficulties as best as
you can. When any faults or problems Occur, whatever
you think has caused them, you must run the
C:APOLOGIZEFORGIVE ME Program and avoid attempting
to use the *Esc-Key for it will freeze the entire
system.
It may be necessary to run C:APOLOGIZEFORGIVE ME
for a number of times, and eventually hope that the
operating system will return to normal.
"Wife 1.0 ", although a very high maintenance program,
can be very rewarding. To get the most out of it,
consider buying additional Software such as "Flowers
2.0" and "Chocolates 5.0" or "HUGSKISSES 600.0" or
"TENDERNESS UNDERSTANDING 1000.0", or even "Eating
Out Without the Kids 7.2.1" (if child processing has
already started).
DO NOT under any circumstances install "Secretary 2.1"
(Short Skirt Version) or "One Nightstand 3.2" (Any
Mood Version), as this is not a supported Application
for "Wife 1.0 "and the system will almost certainly
CRASH.
BEST OF LUCK!
Your Systems Analyst,

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for him?

2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?

3. There are two plastic jugs filled with water. How could you put all of this water into a barrel, without using the jugs or any dividers, and still tell which water came from which jug?

4. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you throw it away?

5. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday?

6. This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it? It looks so plain you would think nothing was wrong with it! In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is unusual though. Study it, and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out! Try to do so without any coaching!
send your answer to
the mallamibro@gmail.com


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God Bless Blondes at Football Games
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football (American not Soccer)game. They had great
seats right behind the bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked
the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she said, "especially the really
tight pants and all of the big muscles, but I just couldn't
understand why
they were killing each other for 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What on earth do you mean?"
"Well, I saw them flip a coin and one team got it and then for the rest of
the game, all they kept screaming was: "Get the quarter back!


Ponderables

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic wins lottery"?

Why is it that to stop windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavors and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the time of day with slowest traffic called the rush hour?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A letter from an Indian mother to her daughter

My dear Jagjit,

I am in a well here and hoping you are also in a well there. I'm writing
this letter slowly because I know you cannot read fast. We don't live where
we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most
accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved 20 miles. I won't be able
to send the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the house
numbers with them for their new house so they would not have to change their
address. Hopefully by next week we will be able to take our earlier address
plate here, so that our address will remain same too.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine, situated right
above the toilet. I'm not sure it works too well. Last week I put in 3
shirts, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since. The weather here isn't
too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for 3 days
and second time for 4 days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt
said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal
buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket. Your father has
another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass at the
cemetery.

By the way I took Bahu to our club's poolside. The manager is Badmash. He
told her that two-piece swimming suit is not allowed in his club. We were
confused as to which piece should we remove? Your sister had a baby this
morning. I haven't found out whether it
is a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle. Your
uncle Jetinder fell in the nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out, but
he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for
three days.

Your best friend, Balwinder, is no more. He died trying to fulfill his
father's last wishes. His father had wished to be buried in the sea after he
died. And your friend died while in the process of digging a grave for his
father.

There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.

Love Mom.

PS: Jagjit, I was going to send you some money but by the time I realised,
I had already sealed off this letter.




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Joke of the Day


Ok 3 guys are looking for a place to stay so they find this motel... when they get in the clerk says there's one room left but he's not sure how much it costs and the men will have to wait for the manager to get back.... the clerk then says or you guys could leave 30 dollars here with me and either I'll bring back change or I'll come collect the rest in the morning.
The 3 guys leave 10 dollars each.......the manager comes and the room turns out to be 25 dollars so the manager gives the clerk 5 dollars to return to the 3 guys, the clerk then says but there's 3 guys how should I split it and the manager said well give each guy a dollar and keep 2 for yourself.

NOW!.....each guy spent 10 dollars, but got one back...which means they spent 9 dollars each, so 9x3=27 so the 27 dollars the guys spent plus the 2 the clerk kept equals 29 but the guys left 30....so where's the other dollar?

email your answer to the mallamibro@gmail.com




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Joke of the Day


The Magician

There was this magician on a ship performing every night. Not noticing, the captain's parrot watches him every night as he performs the same tricks. After watching him, the parrot finds out how he does it and started to tell the audience.

After the parrot told the audience, the ship hit an iceberg and started to sink. Everyone ran to the life boats. It so happened that the magician went overboard and managed to hold on to a flat piece of board that the parrot was on. After three days of staring at each other the parrot finally says, "Ok, what did you do with the ship?"

This joke submitted by: Lionhart724




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Joke of the Day

One fine June day a snake met his old friend, the skunk, in the forest. "How are you doing?" asked the skunk. "I haven't seen you in a long time."

"All right, I guess," the snake replied, "except that I can hardly see. I'm going to get contact lenses."

The snake did just that, & several days later he met up with the skunk again.

"Not only can I see perfectly now," he told his friend, "but my love life's improved."

"How can contact lenses improve your love life?"

"Simple," said the snake. "I just found out I've been living with a garden hose."

This joke submitted by: SallyBSunshine


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1. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.

2. Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

3. Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.

4. Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they're really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.

5. Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.

6. Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.

7. All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. I sleep with one under my pillow, instead of a gun.

8. A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaners. These men usually have jobs and bathe.

9. All men hate to hear "We need to talk about our relationship." These seven words strike fear in the heart of even General Schwarzkopf.

10. Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.

11. Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.

12. Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.

13. Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say "Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed; get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo."

14. Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.

15. If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.

16. If you're dating a man who you think might be "Mr. Right," and if he a) got older, b) got a new job, or c) visited a psychiatrist, you are in for a nasty surprise. The cocoon-to- butterfly theory only works on cocoons and butterflies.

17. No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record as saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.

18. When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.

19. When four or more women get together, they talk about men.

20. Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie THE WAY WE WERE twice, voluntarily.

21. Most women are introspective: "Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?" Most men are outrospective: "Did my team win? How's my car?"

22. If a man says, "I'll call you," and he doesn't, he didn't forget... he didn't lose your number... he didn't die. He just didn't want to call you.

23. Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. "Get out" and "I never want to see you again" might sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, "I love you... I want to marry you... I want to have your children." Sometimes they leave skid marks.

24. Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.

25. Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause - you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.

26. Men forget everything; women remember everything.

27. That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what happened.

Woman Author Unknown


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Back Up?

Computer user on the phone to Technical Support:

"My files are gone! The hard drive crashed! What should I do!"

Technical Support:

"Did you back up?"

Computer user sincerely alarmed:

"Why? Is my computer going to blow up?"


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Break In!

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.

"You'll get your chance in court," said the Desk Sergeant.

"No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"


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No Parking Zone !

A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses."

When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."


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The Mexican Border !

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He has two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags?"

"Sand," answered Juan.

The guard says, "We'll just see about that. Get off the bike."

The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.

A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, "What have you got?"

"Sand," says Juan.

The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle.

This sequence of events if repeated every day for three years. Finally, Juan doesn't show up one day and the guard meets him in a Cantina in Mexico.

"Hey, Buddy," says the guard, "I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about..... I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?"

Juan sips his drink and says, "Bicycles."


December 25, 2007 | 11:37 AM Comments  0 comments

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Sayings of Prophet Muhammed onGood Manners and Form (Al-Adab)

Sayings of Prophet Muhammed onGood Manners and Form (Al-Adab)
Volume 8, Book 73, Number 1:
Narrated Al-Walid bin 'Aizar:
I heard Abi Amr 'Ash-Shaibani saying, "The owner of this house." he pointed to 'Abdullah's house, "said, 'I asked the Prophet 'Which deed is loved most by Allah?" He replied, 'To offer prayers at their early (very first) stated times.' " 'Abdullah asked, "What is the next (in goodness)?" The Prophet said, "To be good and dutiful to one's parents," 'Abdullah asked, "What is the next (in goodness)?" The Prophet said, To participate in Jihad for Allah's Cause." 'Abdullah added, "The Prophet narrated to me these three things, and if I had asked more, he would have told me more."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 2:
Narrated Abu Huraira:
A man came to Allah's Apostle and said, "O Allah's Apostle! Who is more entitled to be treated with the best companionship by me?" The Prophet said, "Your mother." The man said. "Who is next?" The Prophet said, "Your mother." The man further said, "Who is next?" The Prophet said, "Your mother." The man asked for the fourth time, "Who is next?" The Prophet said, "Your father. "

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 3:
Narrated 'Abdullah bin 'Amr:
A man said to the Prophet, "Shall I participate in Jihad?" The Prophet said, "Are your parents living?" The man said, "Yes." the Prophet said, "Do Jihad for their benefit."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 4:
Narrated 'Abdullah bin 'Amr:
Allah's Apostle said. "It is one of the greatest sins that a man should curse his parents." It was asked (by the people), "O Allah's Apostle! How does a man curse his parents?" The Prophet said, "'The man abuses the father of another man and the latter abuses the father of the former and abuses his mother."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 5:
Narrated Ibn 'Umar:
Allah's Apostle said, "While three persons were traveling, they were overtaken by rain and they took shelter in a cave in a mountain. A big rock fell from the mountain over the mouth of the cave and blocked it. They said to each other. 'Think of such good (righteous) deeds which, you did for Allah's sake only, and invoke Allah by giving reference to those deeds so that Allah may relieve you from your difficulty. one of them said, 'O Allah! I had my parents who were very old and I had small children for whose sake I used to work as a shepherd. When I returned to them at night and milked (the sheep), I used to start giving the milk to my parents first before giving to my children. And one day I went far away in search of a grazing place (for my sheep), and didn't return home till late at night and found that my parents had slept. I milked (my livestock) as usual and brought the milk vessel and stood at their heads, and I disliked to wake them up from their sleep, and I also disliked to give the milk to my children before my parents though my children were crying (from hunger) at my feet.
So this state of mine and theirs continued till the day dawned. (O Allah!) If you considered that I had done that only for seeking Your pleasure, then please let there be an opening through which we can see the sky.' So Allah made for them an opening through which they could see the sky. Then the second person said, 'O Allah! I had a she-cousin whom I loved as much as a passionate man love a woman. I tried to seduce her but she refused till I paid her one-hundred Dinars So I worked hard till I collected one hundred Dinars and went to her with that But when I sat in between her legs (to have sexual intercourse with her), she said, 'O Allah's slave! Be afraid of Allah ! Do not deflower me except legally (by marriage contract). So I left her O Allah! If you considered that I had done that only for seeking Your pleasure then please let the rock move a little to have a (wider) opening.'
So Allah shifted that rock to make the opening wider for them. And the last (third) person said 'O Allah ! I employed a laborer for wages equal to a Faraq (a certain measure: of rice, and when he had finished his job he demanded his wages, but when I presented his due to him, he gave it up and refused to take it. Then I kept on sowing that rice for him (several times) till managed to buy with the price of the yield, some cows and their shepherd Later on the laborer came to me an said. '(O Allah's slave!) Be afraid o Allah, and do not be unjust to me an give me my due.' I said (to him). 'Go and take those cows and their shepherd. So he took them and went away. (So, O Allah!) If You considered that I had done that for seeking Your pleasure, then please remove the remaining part of the rock.' And so Allah released them (from their difficulty)."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 6:
Narrated Al-Mughira:
The Prophet said, "Allah has forbidden you ( 1 ) to be undutiful to your mothers (2) to withhold (what you should give) or (3) demand (what you do not deserve), and (4) to bury your daughters alive. And Allah has disliked that (A) you talk too much about others ( B), ask too many questions (in religion), or (C) waste your property."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 7:
Narrated Abu Bakra:
Allah's Apostle said thrice, "Shall I not inform you of the biggest of the great sins?" We said, "Yes, O Allah's Apostle" He said, "To join partners in worship with Allah: to be undutiful to one's parents." The Prophet sat up after he had been reclining and added, "And I warn you against giving forged statement and a false witness; I warn you against giving a forged statement and a false witness." The Prophet kept on saying that warning till we thought that he would not stop.

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 8:
Narrated Anas bin Malik:
Allah's Apostle mentioned the greatest sins or he was asked about the greatest sins. He said, "To join partners in worship with Allah; to kill a soul which Allah has forbidden to kill; and to be undutiful or unkind to one's parents." The Prophet added, "Shall I inform you of the biggest of the great sins? That is the forged statement or the false witness." Shu'ba (the sub-narrator) states that most probably the Prophet said, "the false witness."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 9:
Narrated Asma' bint Abu Bakr:
My mother came to me, hoping (for my favor) during the lifetime of the Prophet asked the Prophet, "May I treat her kindly?" He replied, "Yes." Ibn 'Uyaina said, "Then Allah revealed: 'Allah forbids you not with regards to those who fought not against you because of religion, and drove you not out from your homes, that you should show them kindness and deal justly with them.'.......(60.8)

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 10:
Narrated Abu Sufyan:
That Heraclius sent for him and said, "What did he, i.e. the Prophet order you?" I replied, "He orders us to offer prayers; to give alms; to be chaste; and to keep good relations with our relatives.

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 11:
Narrated Ibn 'Umar:
My father, seeing a silken cloak being sold, said, "O Allah's Apostle! Buy this and wear it on Fridays and when the foreign delegates pay a visit to you." He said, "This is worn only by that person who will have no share in the Hereafter." Later a few silken cloaks were given to the Prophet as a gift, and he sent one of those cloaks to 'Umar. 'Umar said (to the Prophet), "How can I wear it while you have said about it what you said?" The Prophet said, "I did not give it to you to wear but to sell or to give to someone else to wear." So 'Umar sent it to his (pagan) brother who was from the inhabitants of Mecca before he ('Umar's brother) embraced Islam.

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 12:
Narrated Abu Aiyub Al-Ansari:
A man said, "O Allah's Apostle! Inform me of a deed which will make me enter Paradise." The people said, "What is the matter with him? What is the matter with him?" Allah's Apostle said, "He has something to ask (what he needs greatly)." The Prophet said (to him), (In order to enter Paradise) you should worship Allah and join none in worship with Him: You should offer prayers perfectly, give obligatory charity (Zakat), and keep good relations with your Kith and kin." He then said, "Leave it!" (The sub-narrator said, "It seems that the Prophet was riding his she camel."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 13:
Narrated Jubair bin Mut'im:
That he heard the Prophet saying, "The person who severs the bond of kinship will not enter Paradise."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 14:
Narrated Abu Huraira:
I heard Allah's Apostle saying, "Who ever is pleased that he be granted more wealth and that his lease of life be pro longed, then he should keep good relations with his Kith and kin."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 15:
Narrated Anas bin Malik:
Allah 's Apostle said, "Whoever loves that he be granted more wealth and that his lease of life be prolonged then he should keep good relations with his Kith and kin."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 16:
Narrated Abu Huraira:
The Prophet said, "Allah created the creations, and when He finished from His creations, Ar-Rahm i.e., womb said, "(O Allah) at this place I seek refuge with You from all those who sever me (i.e. sever the ties of Kith and kin). Allah said, 'Yes, won't you be pleased that I will keep good relations with the one who will keep good relations with you, and I will sever the relation with the one who will sever the relations with you.' It said, 'Yes, O my Lord.' Allah said, 'Then that is for you ' " Allah's Apostle added. "Read (in the Qur'an) if you wish, the Statement of Allah: 'Would you then, if you were given the authority, do mischief in the land and sever your ties of kinship?' (47.22)

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 17:
Narrated Abu Huraira:
The Prophet said, "The word 'Ar-Rahm (womb) derives its name from Ar-Rahman (i.e., one of the names of Allah) and Allah said: 'I will keep good relation with the one who will keep good relation with you, (womb i.e. Kith and Kin) and sever the relation with him who will sever the relation with you, (womb, i.e. Kith and Kin).

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 18:
Narrated 'Aisha:
(the wife of the Prophet) The Prophet said, "The word 'Ar-Rahm' (womb) derives its name from 'Ar-Rahman' (i.e. Allah). So whosoever keeps good relations with it (womb i.e. Kith and kin), Allah will keep good relations with him, and whosoever will sever it (i.e. severs his bonds of Kith and kin) Allah too will sever His relations with him.

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 19:
Narrated 'Amr bin Al-'As:
I heard the Prophet saying openly not secretly, "The family of Abu so-and-so (i.e. Talib) are not among my protectors." 'Amr said that there was a blank space (1) in the Book of Muhammad bin Ja'far. He added, "My Protector is Allah and the righteous believing people." 'Amr bin Al-'As added: I heard the Prophet saying, 'But they (that family) have kinship (Rahm) with me and I will be good and dutiful to them. "

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 20:
Narrated Abdullah bin 'Amr:
The Prophet said, "Al-Wasil is not the one who recompenses the good done to him by his relatives, but Al-Wasil is the one who keeps good relations with those relatives who had severed the bond of kinship with him."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 21:
Narrated Hakim bin Hizam:
That he said, "O Allah's Apostle! What do you think about my good deeds which I used to do during the period of ignorance (before embracing Islam) like keeping good relations with my Kith and kin, manumitting of slaves and giving alms etc; Shall I receive the reward for that?" Allah's Apostle said, "You have embraced Islam with all those good deeds which you did.

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 22:
Narrated Sa'id:
Um Khalid bint Khalid bin Said said, "I came to Allah's Apostle along with my father and I was wearing a yellow shirt. Allah's Apostle said, "Sanah Sanah!" ('Abdullah, the sub-narrator said, "It means, 'Nice, nice!' in the Ethiopian language.") Um Khalid added, "Then I started playing with the seal of Prophethood. My father admonished me. But Allah's Apostle said (to my father), "Leave her," Allah's Apostle (then addressing me) said, "May you live so long that your dress gets worn out, and you will mend it many times, and then wear another till it gets worn out (i.e. May Allah prolong your life)." (The sub-narrator, 'Abdullah aid, "That garment (which she was wearing remained usable for a long

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 23:
Narrated Ibn Abi Na'm:
-smelling flowers in this world."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 24:
Narrated 'Aisha:
(the wife of the Prophet) A lady along with her two daughters came to me asking me (for some alms), but she found nothing with me except one date which I gave to her and she divided it between her two daughters, and then she got up and went away. Then the Prophet came in and I informed him about this story. He said, "Whoever is in charge of (put to test by) these daughters and treats them generously, then they will act as a shield for him from the (Hell) Fire."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 25:
Narrated Abu Qatada:
The Prophet came out towards us, while carrying Umamah, the daughter of Abi Al-As (his grand-daughter) over his shoulder. He prayed, and when he wanted to bow, he put her down, and when he stood up, he lifted her up.

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 26:
Narrated Abu Huraira:
Allah's Apostle kissed Al-Hasan bin Ali while Al-Aqra' bin Habis At-Tamim was sitting beside him. Al-Aqra said, "I have ten children and I have never kissed anyone of them," Allah's Apostle cast a look at him and said, "Whoever is not merciful to others will not be treated mercifully."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 27:
Narrated 'Aisha:
A bedouin came to the Prophet and said, "You (people) kiss the boys! We don't kiss them." The Prophet said, "I cannot put mercy in your heart after Allah has taken it away from it."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 28:
Narrated 'Umar bin Al-Khattab:
Some Sabi (i.e. war prisoners, children and woman only) were brought before the Prophet and behold, a woman amongst them was milking her breasts to feed and whenever she found a child amongst the captives, she took it over her chest and nursed it (she had lost her child but later she found him) the Prophet said to us, "Do you think that this lady can throw her son in the fire?" We replied, "No, if she has the power not to throw it (in the fire)." The Prophet then said, "Allah is more merciful to His slaves than this lady to her son."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 29:
Narrated Abu Huraira:
I heard Allah's Apostle saying, Allah divided Mercy into one-hundred parts and He kept its ninety-nine parts with Him and sent down its one part on the earth, and because of that, its one single part, His creations are Merciful to each other, so that even the mare lifts up its hoofs away from its baby animal, lest it should trample on it."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 30:
Narrated 'Abdullah:
I said 'O Allah's Apostle! Which sin is the greatest?" He said, "To set up a rival unto Allah, though He Alone created you." I said, "What next?" He said, "To kill your son lest he should share your food with you." I further asked, "What next?" He said, "To commit illegal sexual intercourse with the wife of your neighbor." And then Allah revealed as proof of the statement of the Prophet: 'Those who invoke not with Allah any other god)................. (to end of verse)...' (25.68)

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 31:
Narrated 'Aisha:
The Prophet took a child in his lap for Tahnik (i.e. he chewed a date in his mouth and put its juice in the mouth of the child). The child urinated on him, so he asked for water and poured it over the place of the urine.

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 32:
Narrated Usama bin Zaid:
Allah's Apostle used to put me on (one of) his thighs and put Al-Hasan bin 'Ali on his other thigh, and then embrace us and say, "O Allah! Please be Merciful to them, as I am merciful to them. "

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 33:
Narrated 'Aisha:
I never felt so jealous of any woman as I did of Khadija, though she had died three years before the Prophet married me, and that was because I heard him mentioning her too often, and because his Lord had ordered him to give her the glad tidings that she would have a palace in Paradise, made of Qasab and because he used to slaughter a sheep and distribute its meat among her friends.

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 34:
Narrated Sahl bin Sa'd:
The Prophet said, "I and the person who looks after an orphan and provides for him, will be in Paradise like this," putting his index and middle fingers together.

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 35:
Narrated Safwan bin Salim:
The Prophet said "The one who looks after and works for a widow and for a poor person, is like a warrior fighting for Allah's Cause or like a person who fasts during the day and prays all the night." Narrated Abu Huraira that the Prophet said as above.

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 36:
Narrated Abu Huraira:
Allah's Apostle said, "The one who looks after and works for a widow and for a poor person is like a warrior fighting for Allah's Cause." (The narrator Al-Qa'nabi is not sure whether he also said "Like the one who prays all the night without slackness and fasts continuously and never breaks his fast.")

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 37:
Narrated Abu Sulaiman and Malik bin Huwairith:
We came to the Prophet and we were (a few) young men of approximately equal age and stayed with him for twenty nights. Then he thought that we were anxious for our families, and he asked us whom we had left behind to look after our families, and we told him. He was kindhearted and merciful, so he said, "Return to your families and teach them (religious knowledge) and order them (to do good deeds) and offer your prayers in the way you saw me offering my prayers, and when the stated time for the prayer becomes due, then one of you should pronounce its call (i.e. the Adhan), and the eldest of you should lead you in prayer.

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 38:
Narrated Abu Huraira:
Allah's Apostle said, "While a man was walking on a road. he became very thirsty. Then he came across a well, got down into it, drank (of its water) and then came out. Meanwhile he saw a dog panting and licking mud because of excessive thirst. The man said to himself "This dog is suffering from the same state of thirst as I did." So he went down the well (again) and filled his shoe (with water) and held it in his mouth and watered the dog. Allah thanked him for that deed and forgave him." The people asked, "O Allah's Apostle! Is there a reward for us in serving the animals?" He said, "(Yes) There is a reward for serving any animate (living being) ."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 39:
Narrated Abu Huraira:
Allah's Apostle stood up for the prayer and we too stood up along with him. Then a bedouin shouted while offering prayer. "O Allah! Bestow Your Mercy on me and Muhammad only and do not bestow it on anybody else along with us." When the Prophet had finished his prayer with Taslim, he said to the Bedouin, "You have limited (narrowed) a very vast (thing)," meaning Allah's Mercy.

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 40:
Narrated An-Nu'man bin Bashir:
Allah's Apostle said, "You see the believers as regards their being merciful among themselves and showing love among themselves and being kind, resembling one body, so that, if any part of the body is not well then the whole body shares the sleeplessness (insomnia) and fever with it."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 41:
Narrated Anas bin Malik:
The Prophet said, "If any Muslim plants any plant and a human being or an animal eats of it, he will be rewarded as if he had given that much in charity."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 42:
Narrated Jarir bin 'Abdullah:
The Prophet said, "He who is not merciful to others, will not be treated mercifully.

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 43:
Narrated 'Aisha:
The Prophet said "Gabriel continued to recommend me about treating the neighbors Kindly and politely so much so that I thought he would order me to make them as my heirs.

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 44:
Narrates Ibn Umar:
Allah' Apostle said, Gabriel kept on recommending me about treating the neighbors in a kind and polite manner, so much so that I thought that he would order (me) to make them (my) heirs."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 45:
Narrated Abu Shuraih:
The Prophet said, "By Allah, he does not believe! By Allah, he does not believe! By Allah, he does not believe!" It was said, "Who is that, O Allah's Apostle?" He said, "That person whose neighbor does not feel safe from his evil."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 46:
Narrated Abu Huraira:
The Prophet used to say, "O Muslim ladies! A neighbouress should not look down upon the present of her neighbouress even it were the hooves of a sheep."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 47:
Narrated Abu Huraira:
Allah's Apostle said, "Anybody who believes in Allah and the Last Day should not harm his neighbor, and anybody who believes in Allah and the Last Day should entertain his guest generously and anybody who believes in Allah and the Last Day should talk what is good or keep quiet. (i.e. abstain from all kinds of evil and dirty talk).

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 48:
Narrated Abu Shuraih Al-Adawi:
My ears heard and my eyes saw the Prophet when he spoke, "Anybody who believes in Allah and the Last Day, should serve his neighbor generously, and anybody who believes in Allah and the Last Day should serve his guest generously by giving him his reward." It was asked. "What is his reward, O Allah's Apostle?" He said, "(To be entertained generously) for a day and a night with high quality of food and the guest has the right to be entertained for three days (with ordinary food) and if he stays longer, what he will be provided with will be regarded as Sadaqa (a charitable gift). And anybody who believes in Allah and the Last Day should talk what is good or keep quite (i.e. abstain from all kinds of dirty and evil talks)."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 49:
Narrated 'Aisha:
I said, "O Allah's Apostle! I have two neighbors! To whom shall I send my gifts?" He said, "To the one whose gate in nearer to you."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 50:
Narrated Jabir bin 'Abdullah:
The Prophet said, Enjoining, all that is good is a Sadaqa."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 51:
Narrated Abu Musa Al-Ash'ari:
The Prophet said, "On every Muslim there is enjoined (a compulsory) Sadaqa (alms)." They (the people) said, "If one has nothing?' He said, "He should work with his hands so that he may benefit himself and give in charity." They said, "If he cannot work or does not work?" He said, "Then he should help the oppressed unhappy person (by word or action or both)." They said, "If he does not do it?" He said, "Then he should enjoin what is good (or said what is reasonable).' They said, "If he does not do that''' He said, "Then he should refrain from doing evil, for that will be considered for Him as a Sadaqa (charity) . "

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 52:
Narrated 'Adi bin Hatim:
The Prophet mentioned the (Hell) Fire and sought refuge (with Allah) from it, and turned his face to the other side. He mentioned the (Hell) Fire again and took refuge (with Allah) from it and turned his face to the other side. (Shu'ba, the sub-narrator, said, "I have no doubt that the Prophet repeated it twice.") The Prophet then said, "(O people!) Save yourselves from the (Hell) Fire even if with one half of a date fruit (given in charity), and if this is not available, then (save yourselves) by saying a good pleasant friendly word."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 53:
Narrated 'Aisha:
(the wife of the Prophet) A group of Jews entered upon the Prophet and said, "As-Samu-Alaikum." (i.e. death be upon you). I understood it and said, "Wa-Alaikum As-Samu wal-la'n. (death and the curse of Allah be Upon you)." Allah's Apostle said "Be calm, O 'Aisha! Allah loves that on, should be kind and lenient in all matters." I said, "O Allah's Apostle! Haven't you heard what they (the Jews) have said?" Allah's Apostle said "I have (already) said (to them) "And upon you ! "

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 54:
Narrated Anas bin Malik:
A bedouin urinated in the mosque and the people ran to (beat) him. Allah's Apostle said, "Do not interrupt his urination (i.e. let him finish)." Then the Prophet asked for a tumbler of water and poured the water over the place of urine.

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 55:
Narrated Abu Musa:
The Prophet said, "A believer to another believer is like a building whose different parts enforce each other." The Prophet then clasped his hands with the fingers interlaced. (At that time) the Prophet was sitting and a man came and begged or asked for something. The Prophet faced us and said, "Help and recommend him and you will receive the reward for it, and Allah will bring about what He will through His Prophet's tongue."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 56o:
Narrated Abu Musa:
Whenever a beggar or a person in need came to the Prophet, the Prophet would say "Help and recommend him and you will receive the reward for it, and Allah will bring about what he will through His Prophet's tongue

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 56:
Narrated Masruq:
Abdullah bin 'Amr mentioned Allah's Apostle saying that he was neither a Fahish nor a Mutafahish. Abdullah bin 'Amr added, Allah's Apostle said, 'The best among you are those who have the best manners and character.'

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 57:
Narrated 'Abdullah bin Mulaika:
'Aisha said that the Jews came to the Prophet and said, "As-Samu 'Alaikum" (death be on you). 'Aisha said (to them), "(Death) be on you, and may Allah curse you and shower His wrath upon you!" The Prophet said, "Be calm, O 'Aisha ! You should be kind and lenient, and beware of harshness and Fuhsh (i.e. bad words)." She said (to the Prophet), "Haven't you heard what they (Jews) have said?" He said, "Haven't you heard what I have said (to them)? I said the same to them, and my invocation against them will be accepted while theirs against me will be rejected (by Allah). "

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 58:
Narrated Anas bin Malik:
The Prophet was not one who would abuse (others) or say obscene words, or curse (others), and if he wanted to admonish anyone of us, he used to say: "What is wrong with him, his forehead be dusted!"

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 59o:
Narrated 'Aisha:
A man asked permission to enter upon the Prophet. When the Prophet saw him, he said, "What an evil brother of his tribe! And what an evil son of his tribe!" When that man sat down, the Prophet behaved with him in a nice and polite manner and was completely at ease with him. When that person had left, 'Aisha said (to the Prophet). "O Allah's Apostle! When you saw that man, you said so-and-so about him, then you showed him a kind and polite behavior, and you enjoyed his company?" Allah's Apostle said, "O 'Aisha! Have you ever seen me speaking a bad and dirty language? (Remember that) the worst people in Allah's sight on the Day of Resurrection will be those whom the people leave (undisturbed) to be away from their evil (deeds)."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 59i:
Narrated Anas:
The Prophet was the best among the people (both in shape and character) and was the most generous of them, and was the bravest of them. Once, during the night, the people of Medina got afraid (of a sound). So the people went towards that sound, but the Prophet having gone to that sound before them, met them while he was saying, "Don't be afraid, don't be afraid." (At that time) he was riding a horse belonging to Abu Talha and it was naked without a saddle, and he was carrying a sword slung at his neck. The Prophet said, "I found it (the horse) like a sea, or, it is the sea indeed."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 60:
Narrated Jabir:
Never was the Prophet asked for a thing to be given for which his answer was 'no'.

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 61:
Narrated Masruq:
We were sitting with 'Abdullah bin 'Amr who was narrating to us (Hadith): He said, "Allah's Apostle was neither a Fahish nor a Mutafahhish, and he used to say, 'The best among you are the best in character (having good manners)."'

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 62:
Narrated Abu Hazim:
Sahl bin Sa'd said that a woman brought a Burda (sheet) to the Prophet. Sahl asked the people, "Do you know what is a Burda?" The people replied, "It is a 'Shamla', a sheet with a fringe." That woman said, "O Allah's Apostle! I have brought it so that you may wear it." So the Prophet took it because he was in need of it and wore it. A man among his companions, seeing him wearing it, said, "O Allah's Apostle! Please give it to me to wear." The Prophet said, "Yes." (and gave him that sheet). When the Prophet left, the man was blamed by his companions who said, "It was not nice on your part to ask the Prophet for it while you know that he took it because he was in need of it, and you also know that he (the Prophet) never turns down anybody's request that he might be asked for." That man said, "I just wanted to have its blessings as the Prophet had put it on, so l hoped that I might be shrouded in it."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 63:
Narrated Abu Huraira:
Allah's Apostle said, "Time will pass rapidly, good deeds will decrease, and miserliness will be thrown (in the hearts of the people), and the Harj (will increase)." They asked, "What is the Harj?" He replied, "(It is) killing (murdering), (it is) murdering (killing).

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 64:
Narrated Anas:
I served the Prophet for ten years, and he never said to me, "Uf" (a minor harsh word denoting impatience) and never blamed me by saying, "Why did you do so or why didn't you do so?"

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 65:
Narrated Al-Aswad:
I asked 'Aisha what did the Prophet use to do at home. She replied. "He used to keep himself busy serving his family and when it was time for the prayer, he would get up for prayer."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 66:
Narrated Abu Huraira:
The Prophet said, "If Allah loves a person, He calls Gabriel saying: 'Allah loves so and so; O Gabriel, love him.' Gabriel would love him, and then Gabriel would make an announcement among the residents of the Heaven, 'Allah loves so-and-so, therefore, you should love him also.' So, all the residents of the Heavens would love him and then he is granted the pleasure of the people of the earth."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 67:
Narrated Anas bin Malik:
The Prophet said, "None will have the sweetness (delight) of Faith (a) till he loves a person and loves him only for Allah's sake, (b) and till it becomes dearer to him to be thrown in the fire than to revert to disbelief (Heathenism) after Allah has brought him out of it, (c) and till Allah and His Apostle become dearer to him than anything else."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 68:
Narrated 'Abdullah bin Zam'a:
The Prophet forbade laughing at a person who passes wind, and said, "How does anyone of you beat his wife as he beats the stallion camel and then he may embrace (sleep with) her?" And Hisham said, "As he beats his slave"

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 69:
Narrated Ibn 'Umar:
The Prophet said at Mina, "Do you know what day is today?" They (the people) replied, "Allah and His Apostle know better," He said "Today is 10th of Dhul-Hijja, the sacred (forbidden) day. Do you know what town is this town?" They (the people) replied, "Allah and His Apostle know better." He said, "This is the (forbidden) Sacred town (Mecca a sanctuary)." And do you know which month is this month?" They (the People) replied, "Allah and His Apostle know better." He said, ''This is the Sacred (forbidden) month ." He added, "Allah has made your blood, your properties and your honor Sacred to one another (i.e. Muslims) like the sanctity of this day of yours in this month of yours, in this town of yours." (See Hadith No. 797, Vol. 2.)

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 70:
Narrated 'Abdullah:
Allah's Apostle said, "Abusing a Muslim is Fusuq (i.e., an evil-doing), and killing him is Kufr (disbelief)."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 71:
Narrated Abu Dhar:
That he heard the Prophet saying, "If somebody accuses another of Fusuq (by calling him 'Fasiq' i.e. a wicked person) or accuses him of Kufr, such an accusation will revert to him (i.e. the accuser) if his companion (the accused) is innocent."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 72:
Narrated Anas:
Allah's Apostle was neither a Fahish (one who had a bad tongue) nor a Sabbaba (one who abuses others) and he used to say while admonishing somebody, "What is wrong with him? May dust be on his forehead!"

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 73:
Narrated Thabit bin Ad-Dahhak:
(who was one of the companions who gave the pledge of allegiance to the Prophet underneath the tree (Al-Hudaibiya)) Allah's Apostle said, "Whoever swears by a religion other than Islam (i.e. if somebody swears by saying that he is a non-Muslim e.g., a Jew or a Christian, etc.) in case he is telling a lie, he is really so if his oath is false, and a person is not bound to fulfill a vow about a thing which he does not possess. And if somebody commits suicide with anything in this world, he will be tortured with that very thing on the Day of Resurrection; And if somebody curses a believer, then his sin will be as if he murdered him; And whoever accuses a believer of Kufr (disbelief), then it is as if he killed him."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 74:
Narrated Sulaiman bin Surad:
A man from the companions of the Prophet said, "Two men abused each other in front of the Prophet and one of them became angry and his anger became so intense that his face became swollen and changed. The Prophet said, "I know a word the saying of which will cause him to relax if he does say it." Then a man went to him and informed him of the statement of the Prophet and said, "Seek refuge with Allah from Satan." On that, angry man said, 'Do you find anything wrong with me? Am I insane? Go away!"

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 75:
Narrated 'Ubada bin As-Samit:
Allah's Apostle went out to inform the people about the (date of the Night of decree (Al-Qadr). There happened a quarrel between two Muslim men. The Prophet said, "I came out to inform you about the Night of Al-Qadr, but as so-and-so and so-and-so quarrelled, so the news about it had been taken away; and may be it was better for you. So look for it in the ninth, the seventh, or the fifth (of the last ten days of Ramadan)."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 76:
Narrated Ma'rur:
I saw Abu Dhar wearing a Burd (garment) and his slave too was wearing a Burd, so I said (to Abu Dhar), "If you take this (Burda of your slave) and wear it (along with yours), you will have a nice suit (costume) and you may give him another garment." Abu Dhar said, "There was a quarrel between me and another man whose mother was a non-Arab and I called her bad names. The man mentioned (complained about) me to the Prophet. The Prophet said, "Did you abuse so-and-so?" I said, "Yes" He said, "Did you call his mother bad names?" I said, "Yes". He said, "You still have the traits of (the Pre-lslamic period of) ignorance." I said. "(Do I still have ignorance) even now in my old age?" He said, "Yes, they (slaves or servants) are your brothers, and Allah has put them under your command. So the one under whose hand Allah has put his brother, should feed him of what he eats, and give him dresses of what he wears, and should not ask him to do a thing beyond his capacity. And if at all he asks him to do a hard task, he should help him therein."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 77:
Narrated Abu Huraira:
The Prophet led us in the Zuhr prayer, offering only two Rakat and then (finished it) with Taslim, and went to a piece of wood in front of the mosque and put his hand over it. Abu Bakr and 'Umar were also present among the people on that day but dared not talk to him (about his unfinished prayer). And the hasty people went away, wondering. "Has the prayer been shortened" Among the people there was a man whom the Prophet used to call Dhul-Yadain (the longarmed). He said, "O Allah's Prophet! Have you forgotten or has the prayer been shortened?" The Prophet said, "Neither have I forgotten, nor has it been shortened." They (the people) said, "Surely, you have forgotten, O Allah's Apostle!" The Prophet said, Dhul-Yadain has told the truth." So the Prophet got up and offered other two Rakat and finished his prayer with Taslim. Then he said Takbir, performed a prostration of ordinary duration or longer, then he raised his head and said Takbir and performed another prostration of ordinary duration or longer and then raised his head and said Takbir (i.e. he performed the two prostrations of Sahu, i.e., forgetfulness)."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 78:
Narrated Ibn 'Abbas:
Allah's Apostle passed by two graves and said, "Both of them (persons in the grave) are being tortured, and they are not being tortured for a major sin. This one used not to save himself from being soiled with his urine, and the other used to go about with calumnies (among the people to rouse hostilities, e.g., one goes to a person and tells him that so-and-so says about him such-and-such evil things). The Prophet then asked for a green leaf of a date-palm tree, split it into two pieces and planted one on each grave and said, "It is hoped that their punishment may be abated till those two pieces of the leaf get dried." (See Hadith No 215, Vol 1).

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 79:
Narrated Abu Usaid As-Sa'idi:
The Prophet said, "The best family among the Ansar is the Banu An-Najjar. "

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 80:
Narrated 'Aisha:
A man asked permission to enter upon Allah's Apostle. The Prophet said, "Admit him. What an evil brother of his people or a son of his people." But when the man entered, the Prophet spoke to him in a very polite manner. (And when that person left) I said, "O Allah's Apostle! You had said what you had said, yet you spoke to him in a very polite manner?" The Prophet said, "O 'Aisha! The worst people are those whom the people desert or leave in order to save themselves from their dirty language or from their transgression."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 81:
Narrated Ibn 'Abbas:
Once the Prophet went through the grave-yards of Medina and heard the voices of two humans who were being tortured in their graves. The Prophet said, "They are being punished, but they are not being punished because of a major sin, yet their sins are great. One of them used not to save himself from (being soiled with) the urine, and the other used to go about with calumnies (Namima)." Then the Prophet asked for a green palm tree leaf and split it into two pieces and placed one piece on each grave, saying, "I hope that their punishment may be abated as long as these pieces of the leaf are not dried."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 82:
Narrated Hudhaifa:
I heard the Prophet saying, "A Qattat will not enter Paradise."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 83:
Narrated Abu Huraira:
The Prophet said, "Whoever does not give up false statements (i.e. telling lies), and evil deeds, and speaking bad words to others, Allah is not in need of his (fasting) leaving his food and drink."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 84:
Narrated Abu Huraira:
The Prophet said, "The worst people in the Sight of Allah on the Day of Resurrection will be the double faced people who appear to some people with one face and to other people with another face."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 85:
Narrated Ibn Mas'ud:
Once Allah's Apostle divided and distributed (the war booty). An Ansar man said, "By Allah ! Muhammad, by this distribution, did not intend to please Allah." So I came to Allah's Apostle and informed him about it whereupon his face became changed with anger and he said, "May Allah bestow His Mercy on Moses for he was hurt with more than this, yet he remained patient."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 86:
Narrated Abu Musa:
The Prophet heard a man praising another man and he was exaggerating in his praise. The Prophet said (to him). "You have destroyed (or cut) the back of the man."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 87:
Narrated Abu Bakra:
A man was mentioned before the Prophet and another man praised him greatly The Prophet said, "May Allah's Mercy be on you ! You have cut the neck of your friend." The Prophet repeated this sentence many times and said, "If it is indispensable for anyone of you to praise someone, then he should say, 'I think that he is so-and-so," if he really thinks that he is such. Allah is the One Who will take his accounts (as He knows his reality) and no-one can sanctify anybody before Allah." (Khalid said, "Woe to you," instead of "Allah's Mercy be on you.")

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 88:
Narrated Salim:
that his father said; "When Allah's Apostle mentioned wh at he mentioned about (the hanging of) the Izar (waist sheet), Abu Bakr said, "O Allah's Apostle! My Izar slackens on one side (without my intention)." The Prophet said, "You are not among those (who, out of pride) drag their Izars behind them."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 89:
Narrated 'Aisha:
The Prophet continued for such-and-such period imagining that he has slept (had sexual relations) with his wives, and in fact he did not. One day he said, to me, "O 'Aisha! Allah has instructed me regarding a matter about which I had asked Him. There came to me two men, one of them sat near my feet and the other near my head. The one near my feet, asked the one near my head (pointing at me), 'What is wrong with this man? The latter replied, 'He is under the effect of magic.' The first one asked, 'Who had worked magic on him?' The other replied, 'Lubaid bin Asam.' The first one asked, 'What material (did he use)?' The other replied, 'The skin of the pollen of a male date tree with a comb and the hair stuck to it, kept under a stone in the well of Dharwan."' Then the Prophet went to that well and said, "This is the same well which was shown to me in the dream. The tops of its date-palm trees look like the heads of the devils, and its water looks like the Henna infusion." Then the Prophet ordered that those things be taken out. I said, "O Allah's Apostle! Won't you disclose (the magic object)?" The Prophet said, "Allah has cured me and I hate to circulate the evil among the people." 'Aisha added, "(The magician) Lubaid bin Asam was a man from Bani Zuraiq, an ally of the Jews."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 90:
Narrated Abu Huraira:
The Prophet said, "Beware of suspicion, for suspicion is the worst of false tales; and do not look for the others' faults and do not spy, and do not be jealous of one another, and do not desert (cut your relation with) one another, and do not hate one another; and O Allah's worshipers! Be brothers (as Allah has ordered you!")

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 91:
Narrated Anas bin Malik:
Allah's Apostle said, "Do not hate one another, and do not be jealous of one another, and do not desert each other, and O, Allah's worshipers! Be brothers. Lo! It is not permissible for any Muslim to desert (not talk to) his brother (Muslim) for more than three days."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 92:
Narrated Abu Huraira:
Allah's Apostle said, "Beware of suspicion, for suspicion is the worst of false tales. and do not look for the others' faults, and do not do spying on one another, and do not practice Najsh, and do not be jealous of one another and do not hate one another, and do not desert (stop talking to) one another. And O, Allah's worshipers! Be brothers!"

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 93:
Narrated 'Aisha:
The Prophet said, "I do not think that so-and-so and so-and-so know anything of our religion." (And Al-Laith said, "These two persons were among the hypocrites.")

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 94:
Narrated Al-Laith:
'Aisha said "The Prophet entered upon me one day and said, 'O 'Aisha! I do not think that so-and-so and so-and-so know anything of our religion which we follow."'

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 95:
Narrated Abu Huraira:
I heard Allah's Apostle saying. "All the sins of my followers will be forgiven except those of the Mujahirin (those who commit a sin openly or disclose their sins to the people). An example of such disclosure is that a person commits a sin at night and though Allah screens it from the public, then he comes in the morning, and says, 'O so-and-so, I did such-and-such (evil) deed yesterday,' though he spent his night screened by his Lord (none knowing about his sin) and in the morning he removes Allah's screen from himself."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 96:
Narrated Safwan bin Muhriz:
A man asked Ibn 'Umar, "What did you hear Allah's Apostle saying regarding An-Najwa (secret talk between Allah and His believing worshipper on the Day of Judgment)?" He said, "(The Prophet said), "One of you will come close to his Lord till He will shelter him in His screen and say: Did you commit such-and-such sin? He will say, 'Yes.' Then Allah will say: Did you commit such and such sin? He will say, 'Yes.' So Allah will make him confess (all his sins) and He will say, 'I screened them (your sins) for you in the world, and today I forgive them for you."'

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 97:
Narrated Haritha bin Wahb:
Al-Khuzai: The Prophet said, "Shall I inform you about the people of Paradise? They comprise every obscure unimportant humble person, and if he takes Allah's Oath that he will do that thing, Allah will fulfill his oath (by doing that). Shall I inform you about the people of the Fire? They comprise every cruel, violent, proud and conceited person." Anas bin Malik said, "Any of the female slaves of Medina could take hold of the hand of Allah's Apostle and take him wherever she wished."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 98:
Narrated 'Aisha:
(the wife of the Prophet) that she was told that 'Abdullah bin Az-Zubair (on hearing that she was selling or giving something as a gift) said, "By Allah, if 'Aisha does not give up this, I will declare her incompetent to dispose of her wealth." I said, "Did he ('Abdullah bin Az-Zubair) say so?" They (people) said, "Yes." 'Aisha said, "I vow to Allah that I will never speak to Ibn Az-Zubair." When this desertion lasted long, 'Abdullah bin Az-Zubair sought intercession with her, but she said, "By Allah, I will not accept the intercession of anyone for him, and will not commit a sin by breaking my vow." When this state of affairs was prolonged on Ibn Az-Zubair (he felt it hard on him), he said to Al-Miswar bin Makhrama and 'Abdur-Rahman bin Al-Aswad bin 'Abu Yaghuth, who were from the tribe of Bani Zahra, "I beseech you, by Allah, to let me enter upon 'Aisha, for it is unlawful for her to vow to cut the relation with me." So Al-Miswar and 'Abdur-Rahman, wrapping their sheets around themselves, asked 'Aisha's permission saying, "Peace and Allah's Mercy and Blessings be upon you! Shall we come in?" 'Aisha said, "Come in." They said, "All of us?" She said, "Yes, come in all of you," not knowing that Ibn Az-Zubair was also with them. So when they entered, Ibn Az-Zubair entered the screened place and got hold of 'Aisha and started requesting her to excuse him, and wept. Al-Miswar and 'Abdur Rahman also started requesting her to speak to him and to accept his repentance. They said (to her), "The Prophet forbade what you know of deserting (not speaking to your Muslim Brethren), for it is unlawful for any Muslim not to talk to his brother for more than three nights (days)." So when they increased their reminding her (of the superiority of having good relation with Kith and kin, and of excusing others' sins), and brought her down to a critical situation, she started reminding them, and wept, saying, "I have made a vow, and (the question of) vow is a difficult one." They (Al-Miswar and 'Abdur-Rahman) persisted in their appeal till she spoke with 'Abdullah bin Az-Zubair and she manumitted forty slaves as an expiation for her vow. Later on, whenever she remembered her vow, she used to weep so much that her veil used to become wet with her tears.

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 99:
Narrated Anas bin Malik:
Allah's Apostle said, "Do not hate one another, nor be jealous of one another; and do not desert one another, but O Allah's worshipers! Be Brothers! And it is unlawful for a Muslim to desert his brother Muslim (and not to talk to him) for more than three nights."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 100:
Narrated Abu Aiyub Al-Ansari:
Allah's Apostle said, "It is not lawful for a man to desert his brother Muslim for more than three nights. (It is unlawful for them that) when they meet, one of them turns his face away from the other, and the other turns his face from the former, and the better of the two will be the one who greets the other first."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 101:
Narrated 'Aisha:
Allah's Apostle said, " I know whether you are angry or pleased." I said, "How do you know that, Allah's Apostle?" He said, "When you are pleased, you say, "Yes, by the Lord of Muhammad,' but when you are angry, you say, 'No, by the Lord of Abraham!' " I said, "Yes, I do not leave, except your name."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 102:
Narrated 'Aisha:
(the wife of the Prophet) "I do not remember my parents believing in any religion other than the Religion (of Islam), and our being visited by Allah's Apostle in the morning and in the evening. One day, while we were sitting in the house of Abu Bakr (my father) at noon, someone said, 'This is Allah's Apostle coming at an hour at which he never used to visit us.' Abu Bakr said, 'There must be something very urgent that has brought him at this hour.' The Prophet said, 'I have been allowed to go out (of Mecca) to migrate.' "

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 103:
Narrated Anas bin Malik:
Allah's Apostle visited a household among the Ansars, and he took a meal with them. When he intended to leave, he asked for a place in that house for him, to pray so a mat sprinkled with water was put and he offered prayer over it, and invoked for Allah's Blessing upon them (his hosts).

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 104:
Narrated 'Abdullah:
'Umar saw a silken cloak over a man (for sale) so he took it to the Prophet and said, 'O Allah's Apostle! Buy this and wear it when the delegate come to you.' He said, 'The silk is worn by one who will have no share (in the Here-after).' Some time passed after this event, and then the Prophet sent a (similar) cloak to him. 'Umar brought that cloak back to the Prophet and said, 'You have sent this to me, and you said about a similar one what you said?' The Prophet said, 'I have sent it to you so that you may get money by selling it.' Because of this, Ibn 'Umar used to hate the silken markings on the garments.

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 105:
Narrated Anas:
When 'Abdur-Rahman came to us, the Prophet established a bond of brotherhood between him and Sa'd bin Ar-Rabi'. Once the Prophet said, "As you (O 'Abdur-Rahman) have married, give a wedding banquet even if with one sheep."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 106:
Narrated 'Asim:
I said to Anas bin Malik, "Did it reach you that the Prophet said, "There is no treaty of brotherhood in Islam'?" Anas said, "The Prophet made a treaty (of brotherhood) between the Ansar and the Quraish in my home."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 107:
Narrated 'Aisha:
Rifa'a Al-Qurazi divorced his wife irrevocably (i.e. that divorce was the final). Later on 'Abdur-Rahman bin Az-Zubair married her after him. She came to the Prophet and said, "O Allah's Apostle! I was Rifa'a's wife and he divorced me thrice, and then I was married to 'Abdur-Rahman bin AzZubair, who, by Allah has nothing with him except something like this fringe, O Allah's Apostle," showing a fringe she had taken from her covering sheet. Abu Bakr was sitting with the Prophet while Khalid Ibn Said bin Al-As was sitting at the gate of the room waiting for admission. Khalid started calling Abu Bakr, "O Abu Bakr! Why don't you reprove this lady from what she is openly saying before Allah's Apostle?" Allah's Apostle did nothing except smiling, and then said (to the lady), "Perhaps you want to go back to Rifa'a? No, (it is not possible), unless and until you enjoy the sexual relation with him ('Abdur Rahman), and he enjoys the sexual relation with you."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 108:
Narrated Sa'd:
'Umar bin Al-Khattab asked permission of Allah's Apostle to see him while some Quraishi women were sitting with him and they were asking him to give them more financial support while raising their voices over the voice of the Prophet. When 'Umar asked permission to enter, all of them hurried to screen themselves the Prophet admitted 'Umar and he entered, while the Prophet was smiling. 'Umar said, "May Allah always keep you smiling, O Allah's Apostle! Let my father and mother be sacrificed for you !" The Prophet said, "I am astonished at these women who were with me. As soon as they heard your voice, they hastened to screen themselves." 'Umar said, "You have more right, that they should be afraid of you, O Allah's Apostle!" And then he ('Umar) turned towards them and said, "O enemies of your souls! You are afraid of me and not of Allah's Apostle?" The women replied, "Yes, for you are sterner and harsher than Allah's Apostle." Allah's Apostle said, "O Ibn Al-Khattab! By Him in Whose Hands my life is, whenever Satan sees you taking a way, he follows a way other than yours!"

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 109:
Narrated 'Abdullah bin 'Umar:
When Allah Apostle was in Ta'if (trying to conquer it), he said to his companions, "Tomorrow we will return (to Medina), if Allah wills." Some of the companions of Allah's Apostle said, "We will not leave till we conquer it." The Prophet said, "Therefore, be ready to fight tomorrow." On the following day, they (Muslims) fought fiercely (with the people of Ta'if) and suffered many wounds. Then Allah's Apostle said, "Tomorrow we will return (to Medina), if Allah wills." His companions kept quiet this time. Allah's Apostle then smiled.

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 110:
Narrated Abu Huraira:
A man came to the Prophet and said, "I have been ruined for I have had sexual relation with my wife in Ramadan (while I was fasting)" The Prophet said (to him), "Manumit a slave." The man said, " I cannot afford that." The Prophet said, "(Then) fast for two successive months continuously". The man said, "I cannot do that." The Prophet said, "(Then) feed sixty poor persons." The man said, "I have nothing (to feed them with)." Then a big basket full of dates was brought to the Prophet. The Prophet said, "Where is the questioner? Go and give this in charity." The man said, "(Shall I give this in charity) to a poorer person than l? By Allah, there is no family in between these two mountains (of Medina) who are poorer than we." The Prophet then smiled till his premolar teeth became visible, and said, "Then (feed) your (family with it).

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 111:
Narrated Anas bin Malik:
While I was going along with Allah's Apostle who was wearing a Najrani Burd (sheet) with a thick border, a bedouin overtook the Prophet and pulled his Rida' (sheet) forcibly. I looked at the side of the shoulder of the Prophet and noticed that the edge of the Rida' had left a mark on it because of the violence of his pull. The bedouin said, "O Muhammad! Order for me some of Allah's property which you have." The Prophet turned towards him, (smiled) and ordered that he be given something.

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 112:
Narrated Jarir:
The Prophet did not screen himself from me (had never prevented me from entering upon him) since I embraced Islam, and whenever he saw me, he would receive me with a smile. Once I told him that I could not sit firm on horses. He stroked me on the chest with his hand, and said, "O Allah! Make him firm and make him a guiding and a rightly guided man.

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 113:
Narrated Zainab bint Um Salama:
Um Sulaim said, "O Allah's Apostle! Verily Allah is not shy of (telling you) the truth. Is it essential for a woman to take a bath after she had a wet dream (nocturnal sexual discharge)?" He said, "Yes, if she notices discharge. On that Um Salama laughed and said, "Does a woman get a (nocturnal sexual) discharge?" He said, "How then does (her) son resemble her (his mother)?"

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 114:
Narrated 'Aisha:
I never saw the Prophet laughing to an extent that one could see his palate, but he always used to smile only.

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 115:
Narrated Anas:
A man came to the Prophet on a Friday while he (the Prophet) was delivering a sermon at Medina, and said, "There is lack of rain, so please invoke your Lord to bless us with the rain." The Prophet looked at the sky when no cloud could be detected. Then he invoked Allah for rain. Clouds started gathering together and it rained till the Medina valleys started flowing with water. It continued raining till the next Friday. Then that man (or some other man) stood up while the Prophet was delivering the Friday sermon, and said, "We are drowned; Please invoke your Lord to withhold it (rain) from us" The Prophet smiled and said twice or thrice, "O Allah! Please let it rain round about us and not upon us." The clouds started dispersing over Medina to the right and to the left, and it rained round about Medina and not upon Medina. Allah showed them (the people) the miracle of His Prophet and His response to his invocation.

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 116:
Narrated 'Abdullah:
The Prophet said, "Truthfulness leads to righteousness, and righteousness leads to Paradise. And a man keeps on telling the truth until he becomes a truthful person. Falsehood leads to Al-Fajur (i.e. wickedness, evil-doing), and Al-Fajur (wickedness) leads to the (Hell) Fire, and a man may keep on telling lies till he is written before Allah, a liar."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 117:
Narrated Abu Huraira:
Allah's Apostle said, "The signs of a hypocrite are three: Whenever he speaks, he tells a lie; and whenever he promises, he breaks his promise; and whenever he is entrusted, he betrays (proves to be dishonest)".

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 118:
Narrated Samura bin Jundub:
The Prophet said, "I saw (in a dream), two men came to me." Then the Prophet narrated the story (saying), "They said, 'The person, the one whose cheek you saw being torn away (from the mouth to the ear) was a liar and used to tell lies and the people would report those lies on his authority till they spread all over the world. So he will be punished like that till the Day of Resurrection."'

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 119:
Narrated Hudhaifa:
From among the people, Ibn Um 'Abd greatly resembled Allah's Apostles in solemn gate and good appearance of piety and in calmness and sobriety from the time he goes out of his house till he returns to it. But we do not know how he behaves with his family when he is alone with them.

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 120:
Narrated Tariq:
'Abdullah said, "The best talk is Allah's Book (Qur'an), and the best guidance is the guidance of Muhammad."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 121:
Narrated Abu Musa:
The Prophet said: None is more patient than Allah against the harmful saying. He hears from the people they ascribe children to Him, yet He gives them health and (supplies them with) provision."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 122:
Narrated 'Abdullah:
The Prophet divided and distributed something as he used to do for some of his distributions. A man from the Ansar said, "By Allah, in this division the pleasure of Allah has not been intended." I said, "I will definitely tell this to the Prophet ." So I went to him while he was sitting with his companions and told him of it secretly. That was hard upon the Prophet and the color of his face changed, and he became so angry that I wished I had not told him. The Prophet then said, "Moses was harmed with more than this, yet he remained patient."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 123:
Narrated 'Aisha:
The Prophet did something and allowed his people to do it, but some people refrained from doing it. When the Prophet learned of that, he delivered a sermon, and after having sent Praises to Allah, he said, "What is wrong with such people as refrain from doing a thing that I do? By Allah, I know Allah better than they, and I am more afraid of Him than they."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 124:
Narrated Abu Said Al-Khudri:
The Prophet was more shy than a virgin in her separate room. And if he saw a thing which he disliked, we would recognize that (feeling) in his face.

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 125d:
Narrated Abu Huraira:
Allah's Apostle said, "If a man says to his brother, O Kafir (disbeliever)!' Then surely one of them is such (i.e., a Kifir). "

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 125m:
Narrated 'Abdullah bin 'Umar:
Allah's Apostle said, 'If anyone says to his brother, 'O misbeliever! Then surely, one of them such."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 126:
Narrated Thabit bin Ad-Dahhak:
The Prophet said, "Whoever swears by a religion other than Islam (i.e. if he swears by saying that he is a non-Muslim in case he is telling a lie), then he is as he says if his oath is false and whoever commits suicide with something, will be punished with the same thing in the (Hell) fire, and cursing a believer is like murdering him, and whoever accuses a believer of disbelief, then it is as if he had killed him."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 127:
Narrated Jabir bin 'Abdullah:
Mu'adh bin Jabal used to pray with the Prophet and then go to lead his people in prayer. Once he led the people in prayer and recited Surat-al-Baqara. A man left (the row of the praying people) and offered (light) prayer (separately) and went away. When Mu'adh came to know about it, he said. "He (that man) is a hypocrite." Later that man heard what Mu'adh said about him, so he came to the Prophet and said, "O Allah's Apostle! We are people who work with our own hands and irrigate (our farms) with our camels. Last night Mu'adh led us in the (night) prayer and he recited Sura-al-Baqara, so I offered my prayer separately, and because of that, he accused me of being a hypocrite." The Prophet called Mu'adh and said thrice, "O Mu'adh! You are putting the people to trials? Recite 'Wash-shamsi wad-uhaha' (91) or'Sabbih isma Rabbi ka-l-A'la' (87) or the like."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 128:
Narrated Abu Huraira:
Allah's Apostle said: "Whoever amongst you swears, (saying by error) in his oath 'By Al-Lat and Al-Uzza', then he should say, 'None has the right to be worshipped but Allah.' And whoever says to his companions, 'Come let me gamble' with you, then he must give something in charity (as an expiation for such a sin)." (See Hadith No. 645)

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 129:
Narrated Ibn 'Umar:
that he found 'Umar bin Al-Khattab in a group of people and he was swearing by his father. So Allah's Apostle called them, saying, "Verily! Allah forbids you to swear by your fathers. If one has to take an oath, he should swear by Allah or otherwise keep quiet."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 130:
Narrated 'Aisha:
The Prophet entered upon me while there was a curtain having pictures (of animals) in the house. His face got red with anger, and then he got hold of the curtain and tore it into pieces. The Prophet said, "Such people as paint these pictures will receive the severest punishment on the Day of Resurrection ."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 131:
Narrated Abu Mas'ud:
A man came to the Prophet and said "I keep away from the morning prayer only because such and such person prolongs the prayer when he leads us in it. The narrator added: I had never seen Allah's Apostle more furious in giving advice than he was on that day. He said, "O people! There are some among you who make others dislike good deeds) cause the others to have aversion (to congregational prayers). Beware! Whoever among you leads the people in prayer should not prolong it, because among them there are the sick, the old, and the needy." (See Hadith No. 670, Vol 1)

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 132:
Narrated 'Abdullah bin 'Umar:
While the Prophet was praying, he saw sputum (on the wall) of the mosque, in the direction of the Qibla, and so he scraped it off with his hand, and the sign of disgust (was apparent from his face) and then said, "Whenever anyone of you is in prayer, he should not spit in front of him (in prayer) because Allah is in front of him."

Volume 8, Book 73, Number 133:
Narrated Zaid bin Khalid Al-Juhani:
A man asked Allah's Apostle about "Al-Luqata" (a lost fallen purse or a thing picked up by somebody). The Prophet said, "You should announce it publicly for one year, and then remember and recognize the tying material of its container, and then you can spend it. If its owner came to you, then you should pay him its equivalent." The man said, "O Allah's Apostle! What about a lost sheep?" The Prophet said, "Take it because it is for you, for your brother, or for the wolf." The man again said, "O Allah's Apostle! What about a lost camel?" Allah's Apostle became very angry and furious and his cheeks became red (or his face became red), and he said, "You have nothing to do with it (the camel) for it has its food and

November 16, 2007 | 4:12 PM Comments  1 comments

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Guidelines to Conduct a Self-Assessment

Produced by Ibn Al-Qayyim (d.751H) who said,



"And mankind, with regard to their performance of prayer are in five levels:

The First: The level of the one who is negligent and wrongs his soul. He is the one who falls short in performing ablution properly, performing the prayer upon its time and within its specified limits, and in fulfilling its essential pillars.

The Second: The one who guards his prayers upon their proper times and within their specified limits, fulfils their essential pillars and performs his ablution with care. However, his striving (in achieving the above) is wasted due to whisperings in his prayer so he is taken away by thoughts and ideas.

The Third: The one who guards his prayers within the specified limits, fulfils their essential pillars and strives with himself to repel the whisperings, thoughts and ideas. He is busy struggling against his enemy (shaytaan) so that he does not steal from the prayer. On account of this he is engaged in (both) prayer and jihaad.

The Fourth: The one who stands for the prayer, completes and perfects its due rights, its essential pillars, performs it within its specified limits and his heart becomes engrossed in safeguarding its rights and specified limits, so that nothing is wasted from it. His whole concern is directed towards its establishment, its completion and perfection, as it should be. His heart is immersed in the prayer and in enslavement to his Lord, the Exalted.

The Fifth: The one who stands for the prayer like the one mentioned above. However, on top of this, he has taken and placed his heart in front of his Lord, the Mighty and Majestic, looking towards Him with his heart with anticipation, (his heart) filled with His love and His might, as if he sees and witnesses Allaah. The whisperings, thoughts and ideas have vanished and the coverings which are between him and his Lord are raised. What is between this person and others with respect to the prayer, is superior and greater than what is between the heavens and the earth. This person is busy with his Lord, the Mighty and Majestic, delighted with Him.

The first type will be punished, the second type will be held to account, the third will have his sins and shortcomings expiated, the fourth will be rewarded and the fifth will be close to his Lord, because he will receive the portion of one who makes his prayer the delight and pleasure of his eye. Whoever makes the prayer the delight and pleasure of his eye, will have the nearness to his Lord, the Mighty and Majestic, made the delight and pleasure of his eye in the hereafter. He will also be made a pleasure to the eye in this world since whoever makes Allaah the pleasure of his eye in this world, every other eye will become delighted and pleased with him."

Source: Al-Waabilus-Sayyib pp.23-24.

From: The Path to Guidance, trans. by Amjad Rafiq

October 16, 2007 | 4:33 PM Comments  0 comments

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KNOWLEDGE AND RELIGION


‘Until recently, the history of science was a story of success. The triumphs of science represented a cumulative process of increasing knowledge and a sequence of victories over ignorance and superstition; and from science flowed a stream of inventions for the improvement of human life. The recent realization of deep moral problems within science of external forces and constraints on its development, and of dangers in uncontrolled technological change has challenged historians to a critical reassessment of this earlier simple faith." - Encyclopaedia Britannia (1984)


The Return to Religion
The nineteenth century was the century of atheism. But with the arrival of the twentieth century, the whole course of history changed, with religion again becoming a major force in human life. Although more in potential than in reality. The obvious causes are discontent with science and the continuing existence of religion as an inherent part of human nature.
A hundred years ago even thinking against science was considered a sign of ignorance. At the end of the 19th century a well-known scientist said that he was not able to understand anything unless he could make a scientific model of it. But now, at least at the academic level, man’s conviction of the usefulness of science has been shaken. The whole spate of books on this subject, which came out after the Second World War, was an indication of the extent of the human dilemma. The article on the history of science in the Encyclopaedia Britannia (1984) begins with these words: ‘Until recently, the history of science was a story of success. The triumphs of science represented a cumulative process of increasing knowledge and a sequence of victories over ignorance and superstition; and from science flowed a stream of inventions for the improvement of human life. The recent realization of deep moral problems within science of external forces and constraints on its development, and of dangers in uncontrolled technological change has challenged historians to a critical reassessment of this earlier simple faith." (16:366)
Modern science has offered man innumerable facilities, but along with this it has brought in its wake such great dangers as have rendered all its gifts meaningless. The greatest menace is that of a third world war. In the event of this happening, it will be a nuclear war which will reduce most of the big cities to ruins in a matter of hours. Moreover, the whole atmosphere will be engulfed in thick smoke which will prevent sunlight from reaching the earth. This will in turn produce a terrible nuclear winter, which will bring all human, animal and vegetable existence to the verge of the most tragic annihilation.
One of the most serious problems produced by science is that of air pollution. Science produced technology, which in turn produced machines. Initially, when people saw cars running on the streets and so many items being produced in factories, they were thrilled. But soon they learned the hard reality that all that progress and development had been achieved at the cost of harmful gases pervading the atmosphere rendering it impossible for man to breathe in beneficially. A western thinker has written that the greatest danger facing modern man is air pollution. According to him the human race is advancing towards a future where all humans will find themselves enclosed in a polluted cage produced by the industrial civilization. According to an AP report based on American government statistics: "US industrial plants are spouting 163 million kg. of suspected cancer-causing chemicals into the air annually, with releases from each of the 30 biggest polluters exceeding 450,000 kilograms" (Times of India, June 22, 1989).
The Clean Air Act was passed in the U.S.A. in 1970 but after twenty years of this the air pollution has further increased. According to the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency, the U.S. is spending 30 thousand million dollars in controlling air pollution, yet all the present efforts have failed to check the pollution. Now the suggestion is being made to double the amount in order to adopt more effective methods. (Span, August, 1989)
The progress of science has not only produced material problems, but has also created intellectual and spiritual problems of a very grave nature.
Science and scientific resources had vastly expanded human knowledge. It not only gave man microscopes and telescopes to observe things which had till then remained unseen, but it also opened up innumerable new ways and means of making it possible to add greatly to information in every field.
All this gave man the self-confidence to feel certain that he could arrive at the final reality through science alone. But the only thing that the increase in knowledge has told man is that he has how entered into a new phase of ignorance. In the words of a scientist: "We know more and more about less and less."
By the end of the 19th century scientists believed that with the increase in knowledge they had been heading towards the final reality. But new research by the end of the first half of the 20th century proved that man cannot reach the ultimate reality unaided. His limitations are decisively obstacles in his path. It is now an accepted fact among the scientific community that science gives us but a partial knowledge of reality.
With the emergence of modern science it had become fashionable among intellectuals to hold that the universe could be explained without God. Therefore, every fact that came to light was explained in a way that would prove that there was no mind or consciousness behind the universe. But this bid to explain the universe atheistically failed.
The Indian scientist, Dr Subramaniam Chandar Shekhar, who won the Nobel prize in Physics (jointly) in 1983, is a self-avowed atheist. He has briefly stated the present position of science on this subject:
There are aspects which are extremely difficult to understand. A famous remark of Einstein—and other people have said similar things, Schrodinger in particular—that the most incomprehensible thing about nature is that it is comprehensible. How is it that the human mind, extremely small compared to the universe and living over a time span microscopic in terms of astronomical time, comprehends reality in ideas which spring from the human mind?
This question has puzzled many people from Kepler on. Why should mathematical description be accurate? Mathematical description is something the human mind has evolved. Why should it fit external nature? We don’t have answers to these questions. One is not saying the world is orderly and therefore must be ordered. But why should we understand the world in terms of the concepts we have developed?
(The Hindustan Times, May 31, 1987)
T.S. Eliot has said:
Where is the wisdom that we have lost in knowledge? Where is the knowledge that we have lost in information?
A book called Wisdom, Information and Wonder, by Dr Mary Midgley, elaborates—as its title suggests—on the above rhetorical questions, and makes a significant contribution to the new thinking of the latter half of the 20th century.
In his book, The Secular City, Professor Harvey R. Cox showed that people had lost interest in religion. But the same writer in another book titled, Religion in the Secular City, published in 1984, has shown that religion in the U.S.A. has seen a revival. The same has been found to be true of the western countries.
God wants the message of His religion to be communicated to all human beings; Islam being the final religion, He has taken special care to safeguard it from all human additions and interpolations. Islam is thus the only totally preserved and genuinely historical of all the religions; as such, it deserves pride of place as the sole reliable guide to pious living.
This attribute of Islam has rendered its communication very easy. If believers in Islam do not, by their own foolishness, create problems unnecessarily, they can continue the work of Islamic da‘wah without any hindrance. And then, no intellectual hurdles have to be surmounted to understand Islam. That is one of the qualities that has made Islam such an acceptable religion. The only task now is to introduce Islam to people in a purely positive way, so that on their own they will feel attracted to it, and will adopt it in response to their own desires.
The return to religion, in respect of its potential, is a return to Islam. Who will arise to convert this potential to reality? Who will join us in this Plan of God?

October 16, 2007 | 4:31 PM Comments  0 comments

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